My afternoon spirit is completely ruined cuz of some dispute on my way home. I must've cared for way too many things that doesn't really concern me anyway. Why put myself in that pool of confusion and misunderstandings when the people you to do something for doesn't show that bit of appreciation for. Now i'm regretting for sacrificing the lesson times that i've missed to make some dumb drawing just to earn a bitter smile from people. I'm not criticizing anyone, i'm just stating how naive i am to try to perform my role as a good friend, to show that i care. Truth is, they don't care if you care, they care only about how they themselves feel. Typical human nature; i should've known. How can you say that i don't understand when i've been through much worse than you had.
Try sitting outside the DM room with eyes fixed on you wondering about what wrong you've done, try crying there alone with no comforting from who-so-ever (because rules stated, people outside DM room for detention can't communicate with anyone) at all while staring into your own reflection by the glass cover of a notice board. Try experiencing the feeling of being blamed for embarrassing the group by just talking and after feeling bad enough to just sit there for 2 hours. I totally understand and i understand much worse, i know the feeling of "Why me??!!" within the heart, but i get rubbed at for this in my face time and again. I should just tear that insane good-for-nothing sign of concern away cuz no1 really cares anyway. But hey, why am i crying here? It's not because of the embarrassment, it's because of the disappointment and the hurt upon hearing words that stabbed me through and through.
Told myself not to cry, yet i still did again.
I'll tear this piece of ugly junk away..
But hey, where does the word appreciation stand in this society anyway?? I'm crying over the naive mindset i have about people around me, i must've cared way too much for people than being returned for. People keep things from eachother, yeah there's this invisible iron curtain present between us, i know way too much than people wished i do. At times, good deeds become bad. No survivor in the socirty lives on love alone, you need to be a realistic being and not an ideologist, I'll keep this in mind. Thanks for penetrating this painful reality into my thick skull once and for all. Never be a kind soul, you'll just lose out.
'nuff saidLabels: cries, Disappointment, hurt, Obstacles, rants
