♥ WENXUAN-

Yes yes i'm boliao, tking my 2 little piggies to tk pic. Haha cute rite ^^

Been some time since i blogged since i've really really ran out of things to blogblog oso. =X Must find 1 day to ton wif arcaders outside :D

Chat wif Ahkang and his fnd along wif Kenneth n Oliburbur outside lot on monday. Initially went ther to accompany Weili but the rest came along so hang arnd a little longer. Chat abt arcading, stuffs abt DM and IIDX. Wan2 try beatmania leii...but wher's e nearest machine?? T_T

Hist paper yest was ok...at least i wasn't that caught by surprised by e qtns given. Going arcading lata...wif Weili, Alson and Olivia ((:

Nothing much to say ler~ life's been like this day by day haha. Wondering wher i went these few days? Watching some Korean Drama lorh :D and sad to say...i've like lost interest in Hotshot...duno y. Same as Allen kor, stopped at ep12...not moving on anymore~~

LOVE BESTIES~♥
10:27 AM

A and Emaths paper today. Severe moodswings, 1st i'm super moody in the morning, then i became damn low in the evening due to fatigue and ultra high at night. Poof. What's wrong wif me. Looked forward to this time for a loooong time nw~~ the day where i finally get to take a breather from all the 'excitement' during the week.

Not feeling very well in the stomach...been like that for some time, wonder what's wrng. Last day of tuition yest, =(( really gunna miss tuition and the days where Samuel taught me. Sec 1 to sec 4, and i have to admit that i wld've gotten no where without him... ((: Thx Samuel!!

During the 4h30mins break between the papers today went to Geraldine's hse wif Shiyun and Jollie to slack, eat cake and play neopets...lie on her bed sing song and crap endlessly. Ate rice b4 heading over and those baka wanted to buy cake~~~ so accompanied them. I think if i continue sticking to them, i'll turn into a super-eater like them one of these days... =S and so splitting the cost of $11 we got ourselves a nice choco cake wif 5% blue berry jam inside...plus candles representing 16 yrs of age...i wonder whose birthday it is... *ponders*

Happy birthday to us??

So since we deemed it as 4 of our birthdays, we decided to cut the cake together...

It's a small cake, but i almost died eating it zzz...

Sometimes i wonder if turning back is the right thing to do. Here i am, knowing that u're there wif arms open waiting for my return to u anytime, yet i'm resisting cuz i know that i can't stand to be with someone else while liking him. It's like i've been tied down, and no matter how many pple are telling that it's really not worth it to give up on u for him, i just couldn't find a valid or better reason to peel myself off frm my current position. I feel lost without u, yet u're not my source of guidance either...cuz he's still holding on to my heart...while i just couldn't hold on to his. Then sometimes i feel distant from the both of u, cuz i'd never really know what the u 2 are thinking either...

LOVE BESTIES~♥
12:57 AM

I hope no-one's been traumatised by this set of papers...haha, no one other than me deserves to at least, everyone's been working hard...and now i've seriously became close friends with notes, books, papers blah blah blah. Who'd ever noe that these friends can seriously bore u out. They don't freaking entertain you and all they contribute to is stress stress and stress...zzz.

Tmr's geog, haven't studied at all...hoho goodluck to me~no practice...only read ups, i wonder how far luck's gunna carry me with it. Just taking a smooth wind ride along with it and drop whereever it stops...the rest, i'll have to hand it into the hands of the respectable one up there.

I used to think of how 1 day passes by like an hour, but now 3 days seemed like a decade. Mentally exhausted and quite torturing to keep on with this race. Losing stamina~~ Suddenly, i miss my arcading life...

Besides, who ever told us to dare to dream? Now i wouldn't even dare to think abt getting into AJC, much less think abt being part of a uni. Hoho, sometimes dreams can get to flattering but when it's time to wake up, "snap!" u're back to reality. Afterall, dreams are meant for sleeping...

Goodluck pple...for tomorrow... (nothing i'm looking forward to either~)

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:24 PM

Went studying chem yesterday, quite productive, managed to finish all i hoped to complete :D Ran into Miisha in the morning and chit chat awhile before she took out her little fluffy lamb...sudd i feel lyk catching 1 >.< omg~~ so cute. Hit my soft spot for softtoys, was busy playing wif it and didn't intend to return it to her =X but hahaha it's hers anyway. Gunna catch 1 myself, once i gt e $$$

Arcaded a little later, went to pets lover's wif Shuqin to get her doggy food and met Olivia for awhile. Tzeho Ben Geyun and Hengyuan's there as well. BOOOO but couldn't stay for long thx to today's paper. Starting in 2hrs 30mins time haha...at least i got ample of sleep before the exams =P

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:53 AM

Went to watch 'storm riders : clash of evils' yesterday with Qianhui, John and Olivia. Initially was Wanqi, Kenneth, me, Qianhui and Olivia but Wanqi was unwell and Kenneth couldn't make in so with the extra ticket, John joined us instead :D Nex was gunna cme along at 1st but that idiot backed out cuz it's at cineleisure and he finds it too far. Stupid botak =X

We were a little late for the show but we onli missed the introduction. We still caught up with the story line in the end and thx to John, during the show, there was nachos and wedges for us to munch on ^^

Reflections/comments : Very gory!! Even for an anime, i don't think the rating shld b PG lorh. But for those who loves the sight of blood, this is a show for u. The show didn't save on the amount of blood 'drained' from the characters in the show and it seemed as though every part of it contained that little bit of violence. Only approximately 5-10mins of peacefulness in the show in total and it's pretty disturbing for me to watch. Especially when the sicko ripped the poor rabbit apart :S ok let's cut down on spoilers here. Great ending, not exactly those perfect fairy-tale type, yet not fully tragic as well. Quite worth the watch if u are not weak hearted haha.

Went home later on, John saw me n Qianhui to our block voiddecks before we went home. Thx man XD reached home at 12am+ hahas.

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Today...

Woke up in the morning, usual morning routine...breakfast but 1 difference is that i did 1 emaths paper and some amaths question before using e comp XD so proud of myself. Then went to watch some ddrX songs on youtube woots...the e X-edits r pretty easy...new songs seem pretty good and worth the try but the boss songs like saber wing are oh-so-hard. LOLS.

Went arcading on Olivia's insistance and played some songs. Had the sudden urge to play sexy planet non-stop megamix and when we scrolled there, we realized we both had the same grade and same full-combo symbol. But we wished to get AA instead...and looking through our scores...we realized we had the same score. EXACTLY THE SAME~

I think buy 4-D or bigsweep oso not so zhun lorh. Haha. So got mo qi rite?? :D hahas. Then after olivia left, Nex returned with Raymond with him this time. Watching Ray play double is like watching an incredible show...wow we all got a chair each n sat arnd e machine watching intently, like nothing can be missed. :P Super zai!!

Kenneth was like complaining abt his hunger from 5 to abt 7 before he got to eat. But by then i ardy had my dinner wif my parents at foodcourt XD Went Mac like Wanqi dreamt of while Nex was chewing on himself back at the arcade. Chat chat awhile and told Wanqi abt the sudden urge for session. Hahas. Went to the petshop to play arnd for awhile while we were talking abt how great dog food looks. I think onli Wanqi will dare to try eating them bah haha since she's tried her hamsters' food before =X Dog shampoo smells nice, except for 1 which i coughed on sniffing it, too strong for my liking i guess. Incubating baby hamsters are adorable!! Hope they meet their respective responsible owners soon :D

Went up and chiong for DDR when we saw that it was vacant. Rare sight ehh? :D thx to Wanqi, passed Pluto Relinguish Difficult with a C. Got full combo B for Xepher expert as well. Damn lucky lah me hahaha. Super tyco =X Tabulating the more difficult songs and boss songs i've cleared...

--
Healing D-vision (Difficult) : C
Fascination eternal love mix (Difficult) : B [After afew tries then gt de :D]
Fascination Maxx (Difficult) : B
Max 300 (Difficult) : B
Max 300 super-max-me-mix (Difficult) : B
Max Unlimited (Difficult) : B
The Lengend of Max (Difficult) : B
Pluto Relinguish (Difficult) : C [but still gt room for improvement XD]
NGO (Difficult) : C
Pluto (Difficult) : B
Trip Machine Phoenix (Difficult) : B [and i missed that A off abit]
Unreal (Difficult) : C [...or B? Forgot. =X]
Volcano (Expert) : C [...sian lah supposed to be B lorh!!]
Poseidon (Expert) : C [...gunna be B soon XD]
Paranoia Respect (Difficult) : B [ancestial song...at least for me. haha hope can get A soon]
Xenon (Expert) : B

ONLY....

Paranoia Hades (Difficult) : E!!!! [Too tough ler luhh~~]

AND....
Arribiata (Difficult) : E~~~[1/2 dead when i tried...will thrash the song nxt time!!]
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Crapped arnd for awhile and that Stupid Nex and Ray din wan2 pass me the stool. Lol. I asked them to help me tk stool that stupid botak attempted to kick it further away. Then Ray picked it up n dun1 to pass over...lol he said i told him to help me take mah, never say help me to pass the stoll here. =.= Watched those 2 play versus on Challenge mode...'Naoki series' course...'Love Again Tonight' gained my official respect XD My fav song on para managed to make Nex game over =X

Played Para and won Qianhui~~ Something to celebrate abt? =X Then sessioned with Wanqi(drummer)and Nex(Guitarist)...haha i oso guitarist...1 lousy guitarist. Thx, Bryant for the encouragement :D will jy for guitar de haha tho duno need how long for those stiff little fingers to behave themselves...keke..

Then DDR-ed with oliburbur again before bidding goodbye to the botak with alot of earrings and earsticks. Lols, will miss that noisy guy in the arcade sia...the whole place gunna quiet dwn alot for 1 mnth without him...haha but can secretly train without him arnd for the time being so he can't call me noob when he return ler XD

Arcading's never been so meaningful until i've met so many pple ther XD Looking forward to the weekafter's Friday, the day where i officially step into lot1 zoneX again :D look forward to my return pple :D

LOVE BESTIES~♥
12:36 AM

I'm speechless once again...just hate the way i'm treated.

Arcading is starting to suck, i don't know why. Serves to kill time, but overall it hurts going there. I feel sick going there, and from leisure, it's starting to turn into a mental and physical torture. Guess i'm better off being a mugger. Damn...

Going movies with Qianhui, Kenneth, Olivia and Wanqi tonight....beats staying in cck. Beats staying in the arcade looking at her face.

Session with Wanqi later ((: Something to look forward to (at the arcade at least).

--

Arcading will be fine as long as my friends are there...with me...

--

I hate being alone. I hate emo-ing alone. I hate the helpless useless self. I hate being over-dependant. I loathe being too reliant, but it's all not within my control and it's never what i wanted. )):

Off to study...

4days to the truth.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
1:58 PM

Once, there was a girl who's forever leading a senseless life. She never knew her purpose for living and didn't know what on earth she really wants. Even till now, that emptiness has never been thoroughly filled, never have there been a day where she truly felt as if she's fulfilled something she's been seeking for. Problem is, not even she herself know what she's seeking for. So now all she can do is continue wandering through the blindness of life till someone one day shows up to guide her with directions up the correct track of life.
--

I've never felt fulfilled even once in my life, never have there been a day where i finally found out my true want, something that'll keep me fighting through and pressing on, through waves and winds, difficulties and problems. Many times, she'd just let go of her goal when setbacks starts to arise. She'd usually prefer the cowardly way out, to run away as many times this choice may just seem brighter and smoother compared to the others. There's really nothing for her to achieve and nothing for her to push forward to.

Don't ask me why i've became like that, all i'd say is i don't know. This gets me thinking right now, what should i do tmr? Thinking abt this alone kills braincells, so i guess i'll just switch my brain off for today and be back blogging about today's events tmr ((: Ciaos.
--

Anyway, sorry. )):
I'm a great disappointment and i'm a loser. I can't even hold on to my promises and much less resist the temptation. I can't find enough determination and reason for me to quit arcading and turn down my friends when an invitation to the said place comes along. I'm just a lost bird in the middle of the forest, heading straight where ever light still penetrates. I prefer walking down the easy path and it may really seem as though the once hardworking Xuan has perished and disappeared forever...

but we may never know why

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:51 PM

I'm really beginning to lose my interest in blogging. Or sometimes i'd just rather keep my mouth shut on certain things. At times i do wonder, for what do i blog just to let pple noe mre abt my life? Who's there to intervene whenever something goes wrong? Who's there to console whenever i'm sad? But here am i, typing as if it's part of my life chore. I wish i actually had this sense of responsibility when it came to studying. Let's count down, 7days more.

So vexed abt so many things. Adding on to the worst, i'm actually down with a fever. Damn it. No one i can practically rant to so i have to really thank Weiming kor for always being there wif ears wide open to hear my endless complaints and arms endlessly welcoming me whenever i needed the embrace or pat on the head.

When i previously blogged abt how much i appreciated friends, i guess my eyes were really blinded then, i haven't saw the bad side of them and i'd like to bring emphasis on this particular person. Zooming in on that said person, i felt like i'm treated as a nobody whenever i'm wif H(him or her up to u to guess). Who am I? Someone for you to stick to and throw aside as and when u like? Someone for u to be nice and cold towards depending on the circumstances? If i even had that bit of placing within u as a friend, i dun think u wld've walked past me asif u didn't know me. U saw me, but u didn't bother to even smile. How great...i never knew i was such a great side-kick a.k.a sparetyre. Thanks for making me realise this.

---

Leaving this ridiculous shit aside...

Friday met up wif Olivia earlier at the arcade cuz i didn't want to have to face this particular girl ALONE. Even though it's not as if i'll have to talk to her, but her presence brings discomfort to me and i really need someone there to keep this unpleasantness within me suppressed. I think most of u ardy noe who she is. Played para and DDR for awhile before leaving for the 'Ocean butterfly studios' to watch Andy and Desmond learn their MV dance. Came back later to play awhile more before leaving wif the same few for dinner at 302 at abt 11.50pm. I think it's ardy considered supper at that time ler lorh -.- but who cares...

Yest met up wif Wanqi, Andy, Qianhui, JingQuan, John etc for kbox and it was pretty high then. But i wasn't that happy when we returned to the arcade. 1st, some ____ thot she can thrash me at para by playing right after i did. The only pleasant occurance is having to meet Geraldine and her polarbear there and i finally defeated their score =X The rest left awhile later to eat zichar while i stay along wif Olivia, Hengyuan, Ben, Jovian, Qianhui, Kenneth, Andy etc for more arcading. Went home at 9+ but still got scolded anyway. Horrible day i had on the whole. Quarrelling wif my parents is a drag, but i'd like to extend my apology to Samuel for being so distracted during tuition yest morning.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
7:46 PM

DAMN~~! Been so lazy these days i can't find a better word to describe myself. Total waste of time at home and i can't even freaking get myself to study )): Deathdate arriving in 10 days but i can't seem to care a hoot. All i see myself doing is going to haidie wif Wanqi, QianHui, etc to watch that mickey mouse dance. Haha. Shld be back in lot1 by 10+ to accompany Olivia. ((: Tmr's kbox!! Something even better to look forward to....wahahahaha. I need to snap out of dream land soon or i really am K.O-ed.

Juniors finished exams ler, left me, still gt the finals to run and the engine's unfortunately broken down. What a drag...as usual, weekend live will be posted when i'm free. Now i'm just plain bored ^^ bye!

LOVE BESTIES~♥
9:53 AM

Saturday, i have 2 choices. To go Kbox wif Andy and company or to go studying wif Shiyun. Anything, but arcading, i need to get on track with studying. I seriously missed the time where i was so concerned abt my studies, when i would do anything just to get the desired results, where i will work my ass off and study like nobody's business to sit for every exam confidently. I miss my old self...and i feel like a loser currently.

I'm so mentally tired. Woke up in the morning and went for Amaths remedial, stayed focused throughout, completed quite alot and stayed thoroughly awake during SS extra lessons as well. Went home to chat on msn awhile before sleeping in the noon, woke up in the evening and had tuition, asked questions like nobody's business, managed to finish 1 Amaths paper, 2 chapters of questions for differentiation on my assessment book and i hope this lasts me through O's. Tomorrow's bio practical, but i don't know what to study or to read up on. Not doing anything and just sitting back paranoids me even more...what shld i do?

My exams stress are flooding back...and i remembered flaring up and having severe mood swings towards everyone arnd me last yr during this period of time. I remembered the amount of pressure i felt wif my peers pushing for me to get my top 25% and i remembered the amount of disappointment i felt when i missed that point by a cinge. I still can feel the amount of mess i was in when i shouted at my mom due to fatique, where i flared up at my friends or just walked out on them whenever i felt unhappy...i even remembered how much i went through to just apologise to them and it seems as though history is repeating itself. Am i not cut out for stress and anger management?

I'm so tired, but i can't get to sleep. Other than tomorrow's O lvls, all i ask for is for my brother to be fine...worried sick for the whole day, wif a fever of 39.6degrees. All i can do is sit aside and watch him experience that bad headache and the inability to down any food. I've always talked abt how much i hated him, but now i know how much i wish for him to quickly be well so i can get my fighting partner back. I feel the ache...how am i to concentrate for tomorrow's exams?

I really hope to survive through this time, and like Danny said, if i went thru what he did, i might probably end up commiting something as bad as suicidal. I feel the stress devouring me, and i feel the amount of tense from my surroundings. Expectations, competitions and all i can seem to do is to burst the bubbles of those arnd me, like when i told samuel that i didn't care abt how much more she's completed as compared to me. I don't need more problems now, pls pple, stop pressing me. I'm exploding.

I need my rest...sing me a lullaby someone, and put me into a peaceful state of mind soon.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:18 PM

What if i said, i feel like quitting arcading? I really feel like...but there are things holding me back. Won't be going nxt week anyway...i need time alone, time away, time down and also exams are beginning as well.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:54 PM

Sorry for blogging later than expected. Let's go through things by the day to day basis :D:D

Friday
Went to lot1 to find Nex before went home wif Haru Zuany and Opa but when i was bz slacking and preparing to visit dreamland then some baka called me out to arcade and PS me just 1 hr after i reached. Good or not good? Zzz...then that nice guy returned later saying he wanted a bet that if either of us wins in para, the losing party will treat e other 2 ddr credits LOL...end results shld b pretty obvious. But a little later, these siao pple wanted to watch midnight movie like o.O lols so being the good girl i am, i went home...

thx to e curfew. =((

Saturday
The day started fine, till SHE appeared, my mood went down down down down down down staight to the bottom of the earth's crust. BOO to her presence. Went to the library to hide out of anger and to avoid feeling unpleasant frm looking at her powder-fied face. Looking at her face makes this temptation to take a coin and scrape all that powder off her face grow with every passing second, but let's not resort to unpleasant talks here.

In order to avoid that bitch, went to Marina wif e rest of e clique, i was having a better time there, in fact GREAT! Lols. Went wif Andy and Desmond to some PC building cuz they wanted cheap hair cuts but the shops were rested like Wanqi cursed they wld. LOL so we ended up eating KFC and played arnd at the arcade where we saw some girl shaking her ass vigourously wif her unsynchronised dance trying to 'thrash' us in para. LOL, wait long lah. Then went to toilet to camwhore wif Michy, QH and Wanqi before slacking outside carls jr. and being curfewed, i went home earlier than the rest of them...before they ended up pubbing =(( i wish i cld've went...

Sunday

Nothing much to mention. Tio kidnapped by Shiyun to study for 5 hrs at LJS and blah blah blah....oso dun wish to blog abt today. Nothing much to feel happy abt...

I still stick to my stand, i hate flirts. I loathe flirts, i despise flirts. They shld burn in hell.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
10:45 PM

Shall blog tmr ((: Today's fun, just a pic for the preview. Haha the best Para score board EVER!

LOVE BESTIES~♥
12:07 AM

When i woke up, i found 1 of the darlings like this. Isn't it cute?? ^^

Ok nvm back to the main topic, i found that i've been so badly hypnotised by you that it's starting to come to the point where i start to think abt myself, abt hw i'm way too undeserving to b wif u. Lack of confidence is flooding back, i'm still scarred...i'll accept this fact as it is. Like i said, i emerged badly scathed from the previous encounter and the memories are pretty haunting come to think abt it. Assumptions, thoughts, guessings are the mother of MY screw ups. And i think perhaps u might never know of how hurt i was by ur words...they cut me like scalpers do...

Met wif the same few to arcade yest, for the whole day. I believe i've perhaps also said how pocket burning it can become wif every trip there =(( Perhaps many would've realized how emo i've suddenly became yesterday, can i just put it simply that my mood's been terribly sunk into an unpreventable state the moment i see her face?? Nvm forget that...just think of Xuan here as a girl who's forever smiling and giggling...which sadly, is not the case.

Ran away from AEP today, something i've wanted and been so prompted to do for a long time now, and it gets me thinking whether this moment of thrill really is something addictive like kor said. I do have this little temptation to run away from school completely for tomorrow, but wif little guts, i've never found enough courage to do something so drastic (at least to me) for now.

Lastly, i'll end just like every other time i've blogged, wif a statement i've been meaning to put up which actually drove this sudden want and need to blog within me...

I hate flirtings...I hate flirts, and I hate pple who flirt back...

LOVE BESTIES~♥
6:10 PM