♥ WENXUAN-

going back to school tomorrow, like finally. 2 days passed, was a great rest at home i guess....

LOVE BESTIES~♥
6:55 PM

Time for a change...sorry pple...

LOVE BESTIES~♥
9:02 PM

This week will remain on my mind forever. Of how people treats me like shit, of how people despise my presence, of how i'm betrayed by idiots.

But it ended off great cuz i got to meet up with many many peeps who really made my weekend memorable. You guys are people who i will appreciate for good. Without all of you, i won't know how to live by this tough period of time. Let's list them out. (If ur name doesn't turn up, it doesn't mean you're not important (: i'm only listing out the names of the people who were there to make my weekend during this week.)

Sisters: Calista
Suetlian
Cheri
Ruilin
Shiyun
Cheryl
Samsam

Besties: Jingzuan (though u're not physically there but thinking of you as my friend brought great memories to me (: )
Simin(Opaaaaaaaaaaaa)
Xinjie(Haruuuuuuuuu)

Geraldineeeee~~

Danny
Weimin Korkor
Jason(SAJC)
Samuel (tuition teacher)
Xinyou
Cole

NDP: Brandon Lye
Pamela
Jolynn (for not forgetting me unlike me ): )

Arcaders: Wanqi
Jason Tan
Nex
Kenneth
Velvet
Olivia (burbur!!)
Raymond
Weili
Yuhshin
JingQuan
Kang
John
Miisha mummy

Of course, i know that there are manyyyyy other true friends i have such as Jieling (from primary school), but i haven't been able to get in touch with u these days. Miss ya. I'm not a lonely soul afterall (: I have friends who love me, those uncountable blessings vs those puny numbered cursed bastards/bitches whom i met.

Anyway...just returned from meeting Yun and Geraldine...met Opa and Haru yesterday as well as sisters. I hope to meet Zuany soon (: real soon yeah?

Opa, Haru: Met to watch 27 dresses yesterday (highly recommend it, pls don't watch it if u're under 16 though :D ) and fell asleep later on. Played pet society on facebook wif them for awhile and ps to Opa for bullying u abt Apo. LOL. It's all joking nia XD

Sisters: Happy bday to Dajie, u're older again XD. Goodluck for school yeah? ((: and for Laulau and Ruilin, good luck for Poly!! And Yun, I LOVEEE U TOO XD lets put eachother's photos in our wallets some day. I'll be there whenever u need me too (:

Geraldine, thanks for accompanying me this whole week, ur friends were lovely people and u were there when i needed someone in school.

Danny, i'm glad u still care no matter how much u tried denying. Thanks for sacrificing e time to study for ur exams worrying over brainless and senseless me.

Arcaders: Let's meet again next week XD Thanks for all those encouraging tags. Every one of them touched me so much i felt like i worthed much more after all those encouraging words you all gave. Especially to Velvet and Wanqi for being my listening ear as well. I know i've been bitching alooooot but i'm glad u have pals like u all. Cya soon (:

At the end of the day, family and friends still meant a world to me.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
9:20 PM

At first i thought no one cared...but i guess i was wrong. There are more people who truly cared for me than fuckers who'd rather stab me. What have i done? From this incident, i realized that people who tries to surface themselves as good friends might indeed become your greatest woe. Where as people who didn't seem as good from the beginning might be those who saves you out of your pit hole.

Friendship is all about trust, it doesn't change because of what others say.
Friendship is all about love, you love your friends and therefore don't hurt them.
Friendship is all about reliability, you have to protect your friends when they need help.
Friendship is all about mutual support, you help eachother when you hear people talk behind eachother's backs.
Friendship is all about appreciation, of how you can remininsce every great moments you've had in the past and appreciate eachother for being there.
Most importantly, friendship is all about feeling proud of having eachother...

I won't change my view on someone just because someone says so, for i consider one a friend after get alongs and so, i'll judge using my own eyes...

If even i don't trust my friends and am easily swayed by what others say, i'd rather not have friends, and i believe i wont have friends who will be true to me in future as well. If you can do this to turn against someone suddenly, then i believe that the same thing will happen to you sooner or later as well...

I don't need to have alot of friends, i don't need to tell myself if i'm popular among people anot, 'cause what matters to me most is whether my small groups of friends love me as much as i love them too.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:21 AM

At the end of the day, i'm still emo-ing...but at least i know that i'm not alone. Either ways, I still believe in Karma and people who are doing funny things behind my back, watch your back too, you never know when the dog u sent out to bite might return to bite ur arse as well (:

Friends, hahahaha...

I have mine, and i know i have lots of them. True friends do exist in my life time, and i believe that the list haven't ended yet. I will find mine in PJC.

At the end of the day, it still comes down to the holy word, KARMA!

LOVE BESTIES~♥
2:54 AM

There's this moment of rush within my blood to do something really drastic right now but the problem is, i lack the guts to carry out an act like that. I was walking home after meeting Yun justnow, but while crossing the road home, i suddenly realized how lonely of a person i actually am. I claim to have friends all around me, but of those how many are willing to help me when in need, and how many are those i can really rely or depend upon? I have yet to find even one in JC, and i doubt i ever will.

I had this impulse to rush out to the road and see if any of those cars passing by would just run over me and end this pathetic life of mine, but being who i am, i just couldn't carry such an act out. Then, i felt this desire to just cut a slit on my wrist and look at the way my blood is oozing out just like how i feel like my tears are yearning to. The sudden outburst of such mixed emotion is completely drowning me, and i've never thought that i would have to go through such a mental delimia. I've been spacing out....and the immediate causes are the devils of hesitant that are fighting within me.

We all claim that friends are there to make school life more livable and as i've mentioned earlier, the livelihood of a JC student revolves around that of the college but it seems as though these 2 years have already planned itself out to be a tough one for me to deal with. Will i get through?

I'm currently in this mental ordeal, of the need to fight through this tough period of emotional constraints. I've had enough of sighing away, of smiles that lasts for seconds and of myself having to worry for every next minute. There's just this neccessity to fight through but i'm afraid that i'm not emotionally nor mentally geared enough for such a break through. Why is life so difficult, when all we're aiming for is the exact same thing. We live lives our way for the sake of fulfilling our thoughts of what a better tomorrow might be, but towards the end, what's the point if you're going to live a lonely life scheming through and fighting the ones before and around you to eliminate competition. Ain't i right?

Whether or not my post is comprehendable is not an issue, but i'm positive that i will continue to follow through my principle. I don't eliminate competition, i fight to stay within the competition.

And, i cherish every single friendship...but whether or not the other party feels the same is no longer within that of my control.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:25 PM

The loneliness just doesn't seem to scatter. I'm starting to feel like i am losing the mood for everything around me...it still hurts to be ignored and to feel ignored. Am i becoming more of a nuisance? I'm starting to question myself.

I skipped CCA today, i didn't feel like attending. I don't feel like i belong to the school at all. Thank goodness, JC life is only for 2 years. Biology retest tomorrow.

I've never been good with words, never been great at getting along as well, but i'm best when it comes to accomodating. I wonder what's wrong now, but for any wrongs i didn't know i've done, i'm willing to give in.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
3:10 PM

I've never felt lonelier...

I should start thinking for myself more. I'm not catching on well...i'm in a whirl. OMG...

It's been so long since i last smiled freely, without having to be brought back down to earth of the problems unsettled. It's been so long since i got to last go shopping with my friends as well. I miss Opa, i miss Haru(stickman) and i miss Zuany. I miss my retardd(yun) as well! I miss school times in the past...and i find it so hard to let go of the times where we attended classes without having to worry a thing in the world at all.

If only loneliness can be undone, i wouldn't be in this plight now. How long has it been since Xuan's been in such a sorry state. Where she is constantly worrying about things in school, where she is constantly thinking about heart breaking stuff. The thought of you possibly falling for another (especially her) hurts....i said i wanted to let go, but my actions and thoughts seem to be perpendicular. They head towards different directions and usually clashes.

I think i'm gonna start ageing earlier than Liyi and Pamela though their birthday came earlier. Worrying results in silver-hair forming. OMG. Plus, My pimples are popping out...one by one, day by day. AHHH!

And i realized, blogging doesn't seem to have the effect of lightening the load in my heart as it used to have anymore. It even feels as though i'm just ranting endlessly, without a goal...like the need to blog without a reason. Where did the laughters go??

I've had such accomodating friends in unity, but i never knew how to appreciate them till time passed...reminding me that we no longer studying togetther anymore. I miss all of u.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
10:44 PM

I don't wish to talk, and i don't know what i can blog about either. I came down to the point of being an outcast towards the end. Life's been full of bullshit for me. And now i realise, true friends don't come by easily. Not if they left without you....not even bothering to bid goodbye. People don't open up to you as much as u want to them, and people don't accept new friends as well. Yeah...to be honest, if given a choice, i'd rather be closer to a fellow Unitian friend who came to the same school and class wif me as well.

People say that you will start to lose true friends as you progress in education. Lose the people to rant with, and lose the people to laugh along with. It's only in JC now, and i'm starting to feel the impact coming from it all. What will happen in the working world, i may never know. I should start to be more self-sufficient and tell myself that i have no one i can rely on in JC...then only will i grow out of it. I've seen it all....

I'd rather have 1 close friend, than 100 friends who are distant from me.

I've been a terrible friend as well. Been such a negative person the whole time, been such a pessimist. I forgot a friend from 8 years ago and that was excusable, but to think i've forgotten a girl whom i've known 2 yrs ago during NDP was big fuck. Maybe i'm just getting my karma. But, i also realized, that i'm losing my friends around me.

Theres just no point...get what i'm talking about here? To hell with friendships.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
7:16 PM

Drew this in school...quite satisfied wif the outcome of it...too bad it's infested with lines. ARGH!!! Shall consider using it as my next blog picture replacing this current old 1. :D

LOVE BESTIES~♥
10:01 PM

Haha think i got many days worth of make up post to post on. Let's start from School....

Pamela, Liyi and Me taking pic in school on the 1st they wher they finally emerged out of their green skirts and changed it to PJC's black one. Lols..random.

Wednesday

On wednesday, during maths lesson, Mdm Wong was absent so the whole cass had our share of fun even for just one hour. There's supposed to be a big class photo but i haven't been able to get the picture from Victoria. Will upload it when it's sent to me :D

Me, Liyi, Pamela, Pirinitaa, Huldah and Violet chatted about almost anything in the world. Ranging from PG to M18. LOL! Underaged talk...

And later on, I decided to tie Ruth's hair for her...cute right. I know....artistic XD Look at her contented face....

and the next thing i know...

she pounced at my camera! :O

And Jojo, this is evidence for the murder you've commited in class XD

Thursday

Had a tiring PE early in the morning. I knew watermelons were a nightmare. We all ended up injuring our hands like that while i have to live with my muscle ach till today...

After PE, we were trying to finish our watermelons. CHEERS!

The half that Pamela and I shared....want some? XD

Friday

Celebrated Jason's(midwest50) birthday with Wanqi, Kenneth, Oliburbur, JQ and Shin at vivo city. Though it was simple, it proved to be really hard for Wanqi to plan it 'cuz i had to 'save' her a couple of times. But still, we owe it to her for the fun evening. Went to Pasta Mania for Dinner before presenting Jason's cake to him. Took afew photos there before heading back to DBG and then headed home...

Gay porn magazine 2009? Kenneth's enjoying it. LOL!

Today

Went for CO early in the morning before heading to have lunch with my friends. Went home to change before meeting Yun and Cheri for studying for awhile. Read up on Econs, though not much, but at least i did something. Went to DBG (again) but things for a little dry today. Shouldn't be visiting ZoneX/TKA so often huh. Took the MRT to Marina Bay before returning the trip to CCK just to get a seat. Typical singaporeans we are. And of cuz on the way, i snapped something which looked like a....

Scandal...

Ahahaha, see Nex. Ur 'kenken darling' is doing so much to betray u behind ur back XD

LOVE BESTIES~♥
1:09 AM

This is called 50 FIRST REACTIONS.

Type what comes to your mind FIRSTwhenever you see these 50 words.Don't think and don't go back and change.Doesn't matter how random it is, just type it!Repost it for all of your friends.

Consider yourself tagged if you are reading this!

1. Beer: not as good as wine

2. Food: i'm full..

3. Relationships: heartbreaking

4. Your (ex)crush: D____

5. Power Rangers: errr...

6. Life: tiring

7. The President: almost forgot his name

8. Yummy: iced jelly

9. Cars: not interested

10. Movies: none of them left an impression on me

11. Halloween: never went for one

12. Sex: biological

13. Religion: who started it?

14. Hate: atoms

15. Fear: decisions

16. Marriage: forever

17. Blondes: blondes are chio...

18. Slippers: black

19. Shoes: dirty and muddy (my school shoe right now)

20. Asians: traditional

21. Past time: friends gathering

22. One night stand: ...

23. My cell phone: w910i

24. Smoke: stinks

25. Fantasy: Kira & Lacus romance

26. College: Pioneer JC

27. High school life: laughters

28. Pajamas: burnt

29. Stars: a different universe

30. Center: ??

31. Alcohol: not too strong (:

32. The word love: doesn't exist

33. Friends: 2nd only to family

34. Money: lacking

35. Heartache: emo

36. Time: getting late...

37. Divorce: the 'in' thing now

38. Dogs: i prefer puppies

39. Undies: you want to noe arh?

40. Parents: can't do without

41. Babies: crying...

42. Ex: 4

43. Song: star (kim ah joong)

44. Color: White

45. Weddings: the beginning of imprisonment

46. Pizza: hawainn!!

47. Hangout: PJC

48. Rest: need alot more of it

49. Goal: AAA,A and thrash Aloysius :X

50. Inspiration: project work!!

LOVE BESTIES~♥
12:42 AM

Got back my testimonial from Unity while visiting Mr Shanmugam and Mr Arul since Mrs Chan was no where to be found. Fortunately, it's a little better than Shiyun's =X and ofcourse, Kenneth Ho, as expected i always am better than u, even e way my testimonial was written and ofcuz it's contents included :P

Here goes:

This certifies that the student named ~~herein~~ here in, (who the hell is herein?!) sat for the Singapore-Cambridge ~~GCE~~ G.C.E. (Ordinary Level) Examination, conducted by the Singapore Ministry of Education, the University of Cambridge Local Examinations Syndicate and the Singapore Examinations and Assessment Board, and obtained the following results :

(shall cut it short here, 3As and 5Bs plus a stupid Merit for CL Oral)

Next section, CCA section is fine...
Leadership - 4
Enrichment - 15modules completed, 3
Achievement - 7
Participation - 7
Service - 111 hours completed, 5
Total Points - 26
Grade - A1

just sad they didn't list out all my beautiful CIP activities that comprised of 111 hours ): But it's ok...

Then lastly, Personal Qualities :

FONG WEN XUAN (NRIC NO : S92xxxxxH) was a pupil of Unity Secondary School from 2 January 2005 to 31 December 2008 (I thought i graduated frm that school way before that date...) . She sat for the Singapore-Cambridge G.C.E. ~~"O"~~ 'O' Level Examination in 2008.

Wen Xuan ~~was~~ is a pleasant and well-behaved student. She ~~had~~ has a positive learning attitude and was a consistent student academically.

Fong Wen Xuan was an active member of the Girls' Brigade and has represented the school in various Inter-School Competitions. She took part in the EstherFest Competition and was awarded Gold in 2006. In 2007, she participated in the National Drill Competition - Fancy / Static Drill and was awarded a Bronze Medal. In During the Family Day Competition that year, she was the champion (Was I?). She was also a recipient of the National Youth Achievementment Award (Bronze). In 2008, she was awarded the CCA Colours Award (which i don't remember being called out for).

Apart from her CCA involvement, Wen Xuan also participated in various other school activities like the Racial Harmony Day Slogan Competition and Racial Harmony Day Singing Competition in 2007. She was also a Class Council Member in 2005.

To conclude, Wen Xuan ~~was~~ is an unassuming student with a cheerful and friendly disposition. She ~~was~~ is also a highly-motivated (me?) student who ~~was~~ is willing to strive for excellence in ~~whatever~~ everything she ~~did~~ does.

~End of Section~
------------------------------

Not too bad...just afew things to clarify...

1. What happened to my Kranji Peer-tutoring programme which i also participated in and which was also reflected on Shiyun's testimonial instead of mine?

2. I'm so angry...what happened to my CCA NCO-Council position and all the bullshit i have to go through inside of it?! Why not written?!

3. What happened to my NDP'07 (parade and ceremony segment) participation which was ALSO not reflected on Yun's testimonial?!

4. What happened to the University of New South Wales Mathematics exam i took, which was also included in retardd's record, during sec 2 and got a distinction for?

Where did all these go? Veri chio records lei...all nt reflected, instead, i got included for all the weird things they claimed i participated in like the "family day competition", what the hell is that?! When did i even go for it? I oso dunno lorh. OMG...i can't believe it!!

Before i go, why is everything written in past tense? Am i not as wonderful now as i was then? =/

LOVE BESTIES~♥
5:55 PM

I've had enough of such things and i'll put an end to it. I'm tired of heartbreaks and moving forward without an ultimate goal nor destination. I can't see what's ahead in whatever i'm pursuing here. And since i don't see a possible future and answer, i can't see myself continuing in this game either. It's time i mark a fullstop to it all and move on to the next chapter in life. Hopefully i'll meet someone better than you....but u know what, i loved u more than i used to think i did (:

Met SHIYUN AND GERALDINE DARLINGS today!! Been so long since we went out, studied together and though we spent alot of time chit chatting, i felt contented wif the hours we had together. I hope this won't be the last of our outings and to top all these greed off, i actually am hoping that we'll get to plan out more often. I felt like receiving a phonecall this morning was the best thing all day, when stupid retard surprised me by saying that she'll join us limping XD missed her so much. Missed outings wif her so much as well, we shld do this more often. I love surprises (onli applies for good ones).

Read up bio lecture notes, did abit of bio tutorials and of course some maths. Lazy me just finished chinese tutorial as well...but apparently not quite ready to go to bed just yet. Yeah, i think i just spoilt my own body big time...but know what? I'm really looking forward to school AGAIN! Omg...this schooling craze just doesn't sound like me at all...

LOVE BESTIES~♥
1:10 AM

Really thank Liyi, D____ and Brandon for being my listening ears or at least being by me when i needed someone most...

I wonder if i'm putting up a strong front for way too long when i actually have my own story to tell.... I hate acting as if i am living a wonderful life, i hate the fact that i'm always trying to show others hw happy i actually am, and i hate myself for the things i chose to keep to myself.

I feel like i'm in a mess nw. My mind's messed up, everything's tangling up and balling up into a whirl, i don't know what's the cause of it all...or so i actually do but i'd prefer to not know. Sometimes knowing too much just hurts. And it hurts to know that we're no longer as close anymore. Or to rephrase things, i'm no longer that Significant to u anymore.

We rarely chat, we rarely meet, it came down to the state where we'd go by not contacting eachother the whole week when we used to chat and have small outings to nearby places so frequently last time. I miss u so much...i miss the old you. You changed to much....the contrast is so drastic i no longer know if you ARE the person i used to respect n like so much anymore. It's heartbreaking to think abt it and finally acknowledge the fact that things have indeed came to this irreversible state...

It just cuts...my heart so much. And it's been so long since i last felt so torn up within my soul. I think i've lost my spirit for everything.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
1:54 AM

Schooling been this way since i've ever known of it. I'm still the famous ultimate slacker, but am just about to kick this horrible habit to save myself, for i still understand for the fact that coming to JC is no joke. Lols...i don't wish to retain ):

Just came home. tired...nth much to talk abt tho, just afew scrambled pieces here and there...

Like what i typed on my graphical calculator :D

On Monday...we were following the usual schedule, unaware of the change of lecture venue. Me, Liyi, Pamela, Jiahao and Ernest blurblur walked into LT3 and sat there not noticing the emptiness of the hall till those 2 guys sudd run out of the LT n wanted to close us in it. So horrible luhh.

During maths lecture...sleeping-god is as usual doing his business so we decided to tk a photo of him sleeping....but still deciding that it wasn't enough...Aloysius suggested that i should...

Zoom in into YZ's face and take a clearer picture...LOL!

and during Biology practical...i finished my practicals before the others so being bored, i decided to snap the picture of my experiment results...

still bored XD

Not much to blog abt actually...just thx to Wanqi n Jason (MW) for walking wif me back to my block just now XD Tiring day...finishing song 'Feng Nian Ji' soon...then i shld be able to participate in college day performance as well as SYF ler :D:D:D YAYY!!!

Studied for Bio quiz till 2am last night and it turns out...Ms Yap is absent, our supposedly quiz became a class assignment. Duhh...must really gambatte for nxt Thursday's bio lecture test.

And also to Liyi...

c wad i told u XD u tk my 1 pic i ardy tk 1000 of urs ler. Haha...2nd ler lorh... =P

Then speaking of disturbing the 2 of them, i got a feeling i'll get more poking session on monday. Had my fill of tickling during lectures and tutorials today...violent Pammy...lols. Buay tahan liao, must start wearing an armour to school 1 of these days...

Right...? SEXY Pamela :X

Lastly...YAY 4 day week coming =X

LOVE BESTIES~♥
1:22 AM

In the middle of studying for my bio quiz for tomorrow now. I feel so scared...like i'm lagging behind in the class. Everyone seems to be ahead of me performing as things are going, but i on the other hand seem to be like the clueless one. Lost sheep in the flock. Wild thoughts starts penetrating me over and over, of how i might end up retaining while the rest of my class progresses on.

There are bound to be retainees at the end of the year, and they usually average out the scores by moderation retaining the bottom of the cohort. I'm afraid. Suddenly i find it all the more difficult to accept the fact that i've not been performing very consistantly. The thought of this kind of scares me, and makes me ponder repeatedly of whether i really AM cut out for JC life. Yeah...too much brain cells killed on senseless worryings. How do the others cope so well and seem to be always one step ahead of me? I'm so used to being the top few in secondary school, that when i am suddenly being brought back to Earth in JC, i totally understood the feeling of lying at the bottom end of the queue. I feel so inferior...i wonder why...

Stress...

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:10 PM