♥ WENXUAN-

In Geraldine's house slacking now....studied for Chemistry...feel smarter... slightly smarter. 'Cause i jux realized dat all i'm actually doing is understand that i actually do know how to do everything and am not as clueless as i thought i was. Ok...i'm bullshitting here.

YAYYYYY back to school tmr, means returning $8 to pamela for helping poor me buy my chem TYS in advanced and resuming in calling her Mrs Koh as well as SEXAY!!! Haha. I actually missed school during this weekend, wow. So much i want to accomplish...but not enough will power to. Someone, seriously has to wake me up from my lazy-fantasies.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
7:36 PM

Backkk.....been such a long and torturous week. Oh wells...i think i've got better things to do other than get involved in this again as well as playing arnd wif dogs.

Studying Chemistry soon....so gonna clinch my A again XD either that or fail. Lols...then tmr, perhaps will stay back in school to consult chem tutor of those qtns that i'm unable to solve. Haven't even done PW as well...soon...real soon. Gunna get it done and over with :D Hope i remember...to pass up the Project work drafted individual PI of my whole class on thursday by 12noon. D:

Spent my days at Bugis during this weekend and last night, headed for dolby ghaut to celebrate Ray's birthday in advanced. And since he feels uncomfortable wif us wishing for him before his birthday is even due...i shall save the wishes till coming tuesday then. Lol. Nice dinner....i find it really worth it....the food is not bad, plus freeflow of drinks and icecream as well. WOW. The meal onli costed me $7.80 but it's really filling. Too bad, till now the onli 'Just Acia' i've seen is located THAT far away.

Departmental tests coming up...starting to feel the adrenaline rush in me...like the excitement to get geared up for real JC life as well as the fear of how it might turn out to be. Guess it's getting pretty late. Time to head for Geraldine's hse. XD

LOVE BESTIES~♥
12:54 PM

I feel so guilty of so many things suddenly. Feel so guilty of making my parents upset all the time, so guilty of venting anger on my brother many times. I almost died a moment ago...as in mentally died. My world's crumbling through my own thoughts but suddenly, i feel like living as though i've lost my memory. I don't want to remember anything anymore. I only want to remember everything in school, whatever i learnt in school, all the memories i've had in school as well as the long lasting friends i made....

If only i could forget the many regrets i came across in life, i'd start living like a blind.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
8:02 PM

Schooling's great. I've been seeing happy faces everywhere, and thanks to the lovelies inside, i'm able to maintain my smile as well. I love the way i laugh, i love the way i shrill, i love the way i talk loudy, it only tells myself that i AM not afraid to express the way i feel.

Lectures, tutorials, CCA, homework. Starting to love these daily dosages...

It's gonna rain soon. I'm not going to show my temper here. I'm not going to cry along with the rain as well...i'll just continue laughing in my heart, and live the way i want my life to be.

Played tug-of-war during PE this morning, it was fun, sadly we lost =( but that's ok. We all had our fun while burning our fingers and palms with the friction from the ropes, i wonder if it really does wonders to your strength as mentioned of it's benefits. Then there was this wonderful lecture during PW from this guy coming from NLB. OMG, we couldn't stop laughing at all.

During chinese lesson today, we were reading out a passage into a mic with a webcam infront of us in the comp lab, getting a chance to experience the feeling of being a news caster. It's fun even though we had to repeat the same passage to many times.

Then during Bio tutorials, i snapped a couple of picture...like how i tried to deceive myself that Chiewkei's bunny loves me =X

and also when Pammie

Along with Liyi were dozing off into their lala-lands...

While desperately trying to cover herself

LOVE BESTIES~♥
5:13 PM

Politics r tiring...nw i noe y i sudd love PE so much. It drains ur mind, drains ur body as well, but u benefit from it naturally. No worries, i'm fine nw. Tio burned so much, but still survive. I will not budge. I've made my stand (:

I've learnt...to mk things clearer...i think i shoot dao many ppl on my post. But if say u're nt guilty or feeling guilty of anithing, i dun c y u hav to put urself on e suspicion list or get so damn worked up over whatever i said previously. He who never did anyone wrong, is not afriad of being condemned. Of cuz by saying this, i agree that i have done some pple wrong...like how i was a spoiler of a party.

I'm going back to sleep soon....cuz i've been awake for long enough to finally see the true colours of so many people. Then perhaps, i shall absorb things slowly, then process and see what i shall do next. Or maybe, i willdo nothing at all. Continue hybernating till e day i strike to-to, grp 1 prize. MUHAHAHAHA~

School....CCA can c progression. 2 mre erhu-ist adding to the underpopulated family in PJCO. We're fighting this mental war here...maybe...whoever who's better at words just wins, but i feel that this mental strength cld've been put to better use...like for my case...it shld b placed in the aspect of how i'm gonna go about solving stochiometry and redox reaction questions =X And goodnews in a long while...

1. I FINALLY UNDERSTAND MACLAURIN'S EXPANSION!! (so this gives me another opportunity to say, MATH'S IS CHICKEEEEEN FEAT!)
2. I passed by econs lecture test despite being so bad with words...
3. I think i can participate in SYF along wif my Erhu-ist friends cuz i'm finishing 1 song soon XD
4. I learnt my lesson out of so many things that happened.

And surprisingly...out of all the good things that happened, 75% has to do with school (omg, i'm gonna evolve into a school-nerd) and 25% has to do with recent happenings. I need eye drops to wash my eyes. See no evil, hear no evil, ~~speak~~ no evil.

Some food for thought;
Someone : I'm not afraid of knowing betrayal, just afraid of getting betrayed unknowingly.
'Cause u know what? I want to die from a death of a known cause.

Bye.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
2:27 AM

School's 1st day, release of Project work topic as well. Super sleepy during the lecture, but it's an important lecture concerning a compulsory A level subject, so i kindof forced my eyes opened the whole time and miraculously survived through the whole lecture.

Slacked too much during the holidays, dedicated too much time to leisures as well, realized i've got alot of work to do and quite afew to catch up on with. Maclaurin's series for Maths as well as Redox reaction and even some Stoichiometry for Chemistry...oh no...i'm starting to worry if i will really make a good A lvl student...

I'm pissed with myself for so many things. I'm angry for being such a lazy bum, now i'm buried in a mountain of homework, UNDONE. But i know, i WILL get them done eventually, just a matter of how soon it will be and how long it will actually take.

After school, fooled arnd wif Liyi and Pamela, walked all the way to bus stop where me n Liyi tried to stop Pamela from going home but instead, that little girl duped us into getting on bus 975 along with her to BPP (pretending to have given in to our insistance) and then ran away after we alighted from the bus. She'll soooo get it from us tomorrow... BOO!

Redo chinese, cuz while completing one's homework may be important, handing in quality work carries twice that weightage.

I should really learn how to be discreet in the way i talk, to learn how to watch the people around before saying what i've never given a second thought about. Afterall, even the walls possess ears, much less when the person IS sitting before you. Secrets are afterall, meant to be kept to oneself, within four walls.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
5:10 PM

WOOTS, testimonial's out. School's reopening, back to normal school life. Miss Liyi n Pamela so much XD schooooooool~~~~

but drats, i havent completed my homework =X

LOVE BESTIES~♥
10:37 PM

Just a picture to start things out...

Thursday's lecture was fun, alot of entertainment, or a little too much. Haha Aloysius, i'm gunna pass the HSK wif flying colours XD

Next part should be partially advertorial. Received medical treatment frm 1 medic of the cca medical team just now, sort of knocked some sense into me...

Yeah, life is too short to be sad over trival matters. But then again, i think i do have a problem, i've been pissing people off lately, and now even Danny's pissed with me. Wonder what's wrong with me these days as well, but either ways, hope he simmers down soon...

Anyway, happy belated birthday to my beloved HARU!! Love u always XD (as a fnd ofcuz). Tmr is Sister's outing. YAYYYYY!!!

LOVE BESTIES~♥
2:38 AM

I'm not playing the 'shooting game'. And neither do i blog for attention. I blog out things that comes to my mind at first hand. My recent posts are not meant to flame anyone as well. So i won't entertain flamings from irrelevant parties. I've apologised...and i've explained.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
1:53 AM

So many things to ponder abt....

I feel so odd, and so awkward all of the sudden...some should know of why i'm saying this.

And...if i stepped on your tail with my words...fine...

Y stay silent abt it and shoot me on your msn name? If u dislike what i said, then u cld've told me.

Maybe...it's time to play 'the disappearing act' again...

Time to vanish...perhaps for a longer period of time, or for good.
--

I negleted Weimin for so long but somehow, everytime my problems comes along, he'll be the first one to be there....

and i'll realize for myself, of how much of an ingrate i actually am. I should just die...

LOVE BESTIES~♥
1:43 AM

Horoscope talk today...and for those of u who see this, the reason why i pay such close attention to capricorn is because i've had my share of experience with 2 capricorn GUYS. I've came to love both, and came to be hurt by both as well. They shared such similar character and traits...i just cannt help but notice the similarities. This ends my explanation :D

Secondly...nothing much. Just feel like i'm gunna start living my life the way i like. I'll no longer bother abt hw pple look at me anymore. What matters is i'm happy. I'm living this life myself, i'm spending my youth for my happiness and enjoyment, and i deserve to get the maximum welfare. Economics for u ((:

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:43 PM

i goThink i gt 3 days worth of posts to make up. Here's a proper one.

Friday

Sku ended at arnd 2.30. Woots, been so long since i had such a wonderful Friday. Asked Nex, Kenneth, Wanqi and some others out to Bugis since i felt this strong urge to zua DDR dat day XD. There seem to be this sort of connection, that whenever i initiate/propose to go Bugis, a certain someone wld just turn up in lot1 (internal joke) lols. Nex should be happy cuz that wld mean, he escaped frm another day wher ___ will just go up to him and confess that he likes him. LOL! Then we'll see a walking merlion.

Went to Bugis and Zua-ed until pretty late. Stupid Kenneth, chose those uber hard songs while playing GF, but it was pretty fun. More value for money compared to lot1 in the past. $2 but u can play long songs all e way and it'll still be considered 1 stage. Matthew and Ivan were there as well... Reached home at arnd 1-2am like dat. Too high that night....i couldn't slp on e bus like Jason n Kang could.

Saturday

Went for CCA to watch my seniors and peeps play their piece as a performance. Not the best one, but i was proud of them cuz afterall, unlike in secondary school where the sec 2, 3 and 4 hav ardy had thier pieces practiced for a year, many of the players in ours onli learnt the song within 1 mnth. Something i respect them abt. Went home after their performance and went to Hyatt Hotel at orchard road for buffet cuz of parents' anniversary celebration. Then got a lappie before going home. Wanted Vaio but got Compaq instead, cuz of the specs. Oh wells =/

Sunday

Nua-ed at home whole day, onli went out in the evening. Nothing much to talk abt, but really enjoyed the night time chat outside lot1. Damn funny....always good to hav Ahkang joking arnd :D

"gabbage"

Yeah my posts r shrinking, don't blame someone lazy for being lazy :D

LOVE BESTIES~♥
12:29 AM

Got my lappie. yay!

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:24 PM

After so long... finally understood that i was just another fling you had in mind. Someone set out to be your target eventually, someone who'd stupidly trust you enough and do anything for you. I should've known better...after your return from our 2 yrs of silence. You were right to have admitted that u're a jerk, and only i am dumb enough to have taken in and digested all your sweet lies. Now u're happy, u won...

I didn't know of how much of a wreck i became...but either ways....my Holidays are here.

Just came back from Bugis abt 15mins ago, thx to Jason (gold hair), we missed the last MRT to jurong east. So we had to tk the 3N home...lols. And he didn't wan2 treat us to taxi...)): Zua-ed ddr, became so tired. Are my measures to numb myself too extreme? I have to constantly remind myself that even without you, i can still live the great life i had for the past 2 years...

Back to topic...i'm so tired...and it has been a fulfilling week as well. Gunna miss Liyi and Sexy during this week. Cya girls when sku reopens XD

Ruth's pencil case...

and the specially customized tissue i drew for Sexy ^^

You're no longer who i once knew...and i've mistaken your care for your love. I've mistaken my memories for my feelings as well. It's never too late to turn back i feel, but u're never gonna be the person i've once came to know of again. I'm in pain...

LOVE BESTIES~♥
1:29 AM

I'd find myself constantly day dreaming about you. I missed you with everyday you're not within my sight...but missing hurts as well.

It starts to hurt when i think of the possibility that you might've fallen for another already. My heart's calling out, for any available hands reaching out, before it starts pouring out...

LOVE BESTIES~♥
9:03 PM

Tiring day in school....was a long day. Been staring at the wall clock the whole time...grumbling under my own breath, of why time doesn't just fly past on Tuesdays. After what seemed like forever, chinese lesson ended. But ALAS, it's only 11am, which means we still have 7 hours of school to go. Not even half the day gone! That's how slowly time passed by for all of us...but it was fruitful none the less...surprisingly did pretty well (at least to me) for Chemistry and did a couple of retarded things with Liyi and Pamela in class as well.

During Chemistry lecture, they were teaching abt Atomic structure which was basically ardy covered in our secondary school syllabus. To avoid drifting off to a foreign land, i just randomly took out a blank piece of paper and started scribbling whatever i can think of on it. Drew Liyi and Pamela...and for prank's purposes, Liyi told me to draw a SEXY Pamela which i happily obliged. So now she's known as the "sexy pamela"! Started to make fun of Junjie of how he likes sexy girls...and obviously, that earned me a couple of laughters as well as sarcastic remarks that shot back like arrows from Pamela. But...do you think it does any damage at all? XD

Went to the arcadia for PW tutorial later...and the stupid guys in class turned into gays all of the sudden, thanks to that chinese class which taught us abt "同智" (not sure if it's the correct word i used) and just for your background info, "同智" used to mean friends on the same standing, but in modern society, it now carries a different meaning which means Gay/Lesbians. LOL! So...i took a scandal pic of the 3 musketeers from behind...

And anyway, to end off the post, i'll just show you afew things that i've done in class...

Like the drawing of our names and something 'special abt us' XD

And FYI, too much chicken essense means, too much energy (or too hyper) for the whole day. LOL!

And of course, our SEXAY PAMELA! lols.

And...nope my hand's not injured in any way...

It's just the remains of the marker smudges that stained my hand when i was drawing. Nice day ahead XD Econs test mugging nw~

LOVE BESTIES~♥
8:37 PM

Tiring day, but fruitful day. Did alot. Finished alot of my assignments, or safe to say most of them, unless i happen to miss anything out. Completed the maths questions i didn't understand and changed Hamsters bedding. Today, throughout the whole thing, Liyi did something really sweet on the graphical calculator ^^

Then there's our gynae, Ruth, who's super camera shy.

AWWW!! ((: LOL!

And if she sees this,

she's gunna start cursing that my future child got no eyes, legs n hands again...

Anyway.....Just afew pics to end off the post...

The size of 1 winglet of the 4 piece winglet. You can do a comparison wif ur thumb ofcuz. And if you do, it'll look more like a deep fried thumb :O

And also some of my school work.....

NERDY NERDY ME! )):

Like i have a choice~~

LOVE BESTIES~♥
10:07 PM

Friday....Chemistry went veri veri well...but got scolded n screamed at e whole time during CO. The teacher gripped my hand so tightly...it felt horrible to my touch. I was hurting like mad...but not like i can do anything abt it. Then....sudd i felt like my eyes were starting to water a little....but i couldn't cry...i just didn't let the tear fall off my eye. But from my senior's record, it doesn't seem like crying wld help anyway....she won't just let me go like that.

Today...went to lot1. Reached home....im in pain all over, but not from DDR...

Feeling so giddy from all the crying now....feeling so tired from all the crying as well. Now i feel like dying. Or rather...i am already dead from all that.

I hate staying at home.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
1:13 AM

As the saying goes, rainbow only comes after rain and storm. Some thrashing out cleared the smoke in between....i guess things r much better nw. Thank the both of them for nt blaming me for what i wrote. Am touched that they r willing to talk abt it as well. Glad we all realized our mistakes, especially mine....i'll mk sure i dun do the same thing again.

All these while, i've been walking wif my eyes closed, and i never realized....

Thanks girls...

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:43 PM

My old problems....

I always thought i understood, but it turns out that i didn't.

Too late to feel guilty....but i wonder if it's too late to apologize...

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:24 PM

My feelings are screwing me up....

My emotions are messing up....

Worst of all, my memory is fucking up!!!!

Can't seem to remember so many things....what happened to me?!

LOVE BESTIES~♥
12:59 AM

What's in for us the next minute?

For all i know, happiness never lasts, so we should all cherish whatever we have in the present....even if the results is not going to be forever (for sure). I've always thought to myself, that we should all save our own asses while we can currently. What do i mean?

I used to have this thought, that at our age...relationship never lasts. And i refuse to believe in novelties that portrays lasting teenage-hood love. I've seen live examples here and there. And everytime i'm close to accepting that they do exist in real, the human-tragedies come in. I'd take a step back and look at things on the broader perspective....and nothing made sense to me yet again. I chose to keep my distance to protect myself. I kept my silence for a reason, but at certain times, my silence and secrets always seem to draw unwanted attention, serve unwanted intentions and only do make things worse. This brought more emotional trauma to my already scalthed heart.

This question still hangs arnd me....of whether i should pursue what i like, to just live for the present or start planning for the future?

I always feel skeptical arnd you, trying hard not to lose myself....but desire always seem to tell me the otherwise. I'm in a dilemia.

Danny's right....appreciate while we still last now. For i myself know that there will never be a future emerging out of us again. But for the other you....can i still say the same thing?

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:36 PM

Thursday was a loooooong day.....i swear, i've forgotten whatever's happened on that day but...to be able to forget things so quickly onli serves one purpose - to not remember upsetting stuff. I cried, yes i did....but i won't tell you why (:

Friday was an even longer day. Left house at 7am as usual...but returned home at abt 12plus in e midnight. I think most of you should know why. Lessons were ok i guess....but tutorials left me with a number of question marks. Wonder if i'm lagging behind of the class =/ too much play time? CCA came and go, i wanted to return the bulky erhu to the CO room but a second thought kept me from doing that. The monsterous erhu instructer gave me the 'you-better-go-home-and-train' aura so....let's just play things safe? Almost cut my finger with the bow stick....and no that doesn't end my training. She wants me to learn it as fast as i possibly can and hopefully, be able to keep in pace with the other erhu-ists such that i'll be part of the SYF performance during May. Is it even possible? =/

Saturday, wanted to meet Jasmine and co. for stdy grp since the CO training on saturday was cancelled, but had slight fever the night before and till saturday morning. Subsided at arnd the noon so just went out wif arcaders for QH's birthday at abt 3. The preparation took us alot of time cuz apparently, the whole kampong turned up for the last minute shopping. Deciding not to make a nuisance, some of us went up to the arcade to join up with the rest, playing a few rnds of DDR before we head for tembusu park's BBQ pit. The party was a success...the onli party-pooper was the horrible rain. But i must say, the atmosphere was great. The BBQ was put off till 11pm thanks to the wet season. But i guess that didn't dampen anyone's mood. Chit chatted here and there before heading home to sleep. It's fun to have some thrilling action-packed matrix movie in the middle of the night. That i must agree.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:25 PM