♥ WENXUAN-

School's ok. Tired. Probed into Mrs Chan's personal life lols. Not me but the class did. Played floorball again, as usual, the ball didn't stay ground for long...violent. Checked e schedule list, 4 sets of opponents. 49A, 46A, 42C, 52C...oh great...went to lot1 for slacking session after school =X Made a surprise for every1. Hope every1 likes it ((: Snip snap my hamhams, cutie pies. I'm sure u missed them :D

Gunna drink water...

helloo?? wad u lookin' at?

2 hamhams...

as lazy as its owner... =.=

cookie...

sugar pigging...

sleeping n guarding it's food...greedy lazy pig...

tarzan butter?

butter...cuteeee

i love this pic...sugar sweetie!!

LOVE BESTIES~♥
10:52 PM

Said i'd blog...but i did only at this hour. Oh wells...happy early birthday to Mummy n Jeremy.

Saw the school ndp rehearsal and...wasn't as bad as the last time. Noticable improvement but sad to say, the supporting contigents are performing way better than the GOH. =.= Flag bearers r good...but the Parade Commander cannot make it...well she knows her commands by heart, the pronuounced them correctly, but the oomph is not there. The terms that require more power and emphasis is not there, the command lacks the firmness and the feel itself. She needs to put in more power and not make everything sound like she's just reciting from her memory.

Went for the NYP CSIT scholarship talk...i'm honoured to be one of those 'invited' to attend? Well, have to say, maybe it's the persuasiveness of the lecturers, but i've wondered y i never considered infocom/information technology before. Mostly abt information security today and i'm quite taken into it. Piqued a small interest in me, maybe my curiosity? Well but i still go with my word...JC #1. When an opportunity presents itself, the toughest path to take is to decide weather to take it up or to turn it down. I've decided to just let it go...or we'll see what time brings for me. I still want AJC ^^

Mr Arul nt here...brought bio TYS for nothing, brought bio workbook for nothing. All that 'weight lifting' for nothing. Poor shoulder of mine...

hope u missed me...

and darling Haru as well :D

Almost late this morning. If Opa-cho comes late again tmr, she's gunna get a whacking. Lols, i don't know if what i experienced this morning is called trauma or thrill. Anyways, i don't want to have to cold sweat and run to school again =.=

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:34 PM

Opportunities coming up, not too keen into it, though it's undeniable that every term made seems pretty attractive...but i'm not working hard, maybe i'm bound to disappoint pple arnd me afterall. Don't expect too much out of me.

Been performing the disappearing act for quite some time, wonder if i should stop and resurface again. I'm tired of hiding, i'm tired of running away...but seeing the slightest bit of you brings 1 billion times more agony in my heart. Then again, what's the point of envying when what's happened has already happened? I feel real helpless when all i can do is watch you from a far.

Things has been the same. Ulcer, rashes(mild ones), heatiness, tiredness, sleepless nights...

Bad moodswings, freaky attitude, unpredictable emotional changes...Xuan is becoming a dangerous figure. Beware...

Will be back for more post in hours to come, after school. Time to catch some sleep. Ciao~

LOVE BESTIES~♥
12:26 AM

Back blogging. Deleted all there is that'll remind me of a certain someone and to clear off unnecessary memories that are nothing worth remembering. There's really no need to transform into a loser myself just to remember someone who cares nothing abt my well-being. Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. Although there's really nth that's worth smiling for but now i'm smiling, at least in my heart. Only my leg's hurting.

Persistance may not mean results, it might backfire. What goes around, comes around. Sunday, went to arcade wif Qianhui after finishing some work, alas, I played too...'vigourously?' and slid so while trying to prevent myself from falling, i tore the blister under my feet as well as a small part of the flesh directly below it. Ouch, i know. Hurts, but i still got used to it, i'm starting to love myself by the minute, for being so damn tough now. At least i've grown compared to the past...being able to crawl out of heartaches and depression ever so easily. ^^

Wasn't online yesterday...was then told by someone to visit another person's blog and all i can c are words of another language. Great!! Haven't been in my best spirits, wonder if pressure is starting to attack me emotionally. Rashes are definitely not holding back their fires though, there's been an outbreak in the past 2 days, i absolutely hate that feeling; of itching and scratching by the minute.

** From this moment on, the post might be offensive to certain beings i deem are ______ (fill it up urself :D)

So please don't proceed if u feel that there's a chance i might be targetting this scolding towards u. I warned ((:

Then...i threw my anger onto the wrong person this morning. Yes i'm hurt but i'm sorry if it was directed to the wrong person when it was originally meant for a certain person or a certain group of pple...(if u think it's u then it's u), i wonder if friends really hav to be THIS calculative. I wonder if that's all our friendship is worth. I wonder if that's how u're gunna treat our friendship after all these YEARS. Yes, years. I hope i struck this into that thick skull of urs if u're actually reading.

Then again, what's the point of getting upset over such pple?? Is it even worth my anger? Even when i know that theres 1 person who dislikes me, i know that there are always a thousand more out that that loves me enough to make up for it.

Stayed back in school to watch the NDP rehearsal. It's a tragedy...not the students'/juniors' marching but the planning commitees; the people in the commitee and the way it's planned. Yes yes, draw out more plans, flood more e-mails...what the use in the end? U're getting an elephant to stand on 2 legs which is not impossible, but think of the amount of time needed for that training. What's more, u're proposing retarded ideas that might possibly injure the marching contigents and u're still so keen to carry it out. Try it out urself then :]

It's good to have ambitious ideas once in awhile...but i'd rather draw up realistic plans that will have minimal errors. It's a SCHOOL parade and not the one at marina for goodness sake. Big plans for small contigents. I hope the planning commitee doesn't make a laughing stock out of themselves by then. :D we'll see. ((:

At times i wonder what i'm writing all these for...will the pple listen? =/

LOVE BESTIES~♥
10:36 PM

Went out yest, met arcaders in the morning and then met Yun to JP in the noon. JP arcade reopened, brighter than ever...brighter than lot1 arcade. Then went back to CCK arcade n met Olivia n company, missed them. Saw the cutest thing ever, under Shiyun's messenger's insistance, i finally returned home. Reached home before 12, kudos to me ((:

She plays DDR...

and Para too ((: Cute yeah?

A short video clip of her playing ((:

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:04 AM

There are always perfections in between of imperfections. Then perhaps through all the times we've been through, those quarrels are just a record of how we're always able to get them over with and start over again. I never live those moments down, i'd remember them for life ((: Cuz only the bestest friends do quarrel and find flaws among eachother. But over trusting a person makes you overlook one's character...like what happened in the morning. I'm terrible disappointed in you, and it's definitely one of the things i'd never expect you to say. Thanks for making me realize.

Someone (not pig) came back...i wonder if i should fight for it again, or just live in the shadows of my past scars. Give me an answer...someone.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:07 PM

I realized something that meant a million times much more, something that bothered me so much that i actually cried after hanging up phones wif Shiyun. Abt how fragile times we all hav together can be. This incredible foresight we have is beyond all our reach and we all know that, but before people arnd me gives up, experiences tell me that it'll never happen. It's all just a dream, a common goal all of us share.

I say i was willing to give up on anything so long as we didn't have to b seperated, i still keep to my word. But this rush of fear keeps striking me, wave after wave. The feeling of 'goodbyes' scare me. 30 odd days before graduation, the day i'm starting to dread.

I used to think that i could move on to tertiary/higher education smoothly, but now i know, that i've yet to smoothen out these rough edges. I've told you guys, that after we graduate, u all will b e first ones i miss, i hope to carry this friendship to another stage...into JC if it's possible, but it's as if heaven's actually playing with me, i'm now starting to feel this doubt within me. We all have our own dreams to pursue afterall...and i remembered ever saying, this is life...people come and go. I want to hold on...

cuz i still believe in the fairy tale of eternity...

even if it's friendship...

"if only we could reverse time, and rerun this whole marathon once again, i'd learn to appreciate the 4yrs we had together"

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:09 PM

Test after test, i survived them through. Papers no matter how tough they were, no matter how badly i failed them, they just don't seem to bother me this much at all. I'd usually get up and then tell myself i'd do better while putting the true smile on my face, but i wonder what's the push behind this damn problem which i can't get out of.

I think i'm running away too much. Feeling blissful in school, wishing for school to last for as long as today or to extend even longer, i should seriously consider going for friday night studies. I hate staying at home. Especially when i hav to sleep in order to avoid someone. I'd feel so damn bored at home, i'd find myself feeling tempted to lay my itching hands on the computer, but whenever the very feeling that there'd be a chance of seeing the said person online comes about, i'd refrain myself from sitting before this technological trap. Lost all motivation or interests in everything, lost the push to even play viwawa. What's the point of playing myself? All i want is for pple to stay arnd me, all i wish for is not to feel as alone as the day when all my problems started, i'd be happy.

Haven't been keeping myself at home these few nights, going to Qianhui's hse to study, watch TV and kill time is becoming like a past time and a nightly comfort that i wouldn't have to spend quiet hours emo-ing away at home. I sleep the moment i reach home to avoid feeling bored and to avoid the visual temptation on my computer table, yet everytime i wake up, i feel this sheer gush of emptiness welling up within me, like there is definitely more to life. I'd feel the urge to cry. I'm afraid to see him, yet i'm afraid that he's blocking me. I need a break, a break for my weak heart.

It's time to kill the cells up in the head instead, to make myself feel tired day after day so i'd just fall asleep without thinking about unnecessary stuff. The process to recovering is tough, torturous and painful. It's taking too long, or i'm just plain impatient. I really need company...

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:45 PM

Block me all you want, i have better targets waving towards me before me. Like the seeming attractive one i almost gave up cuz of you, what a loser i was. Yes, what was i thinking?? Giving up on what i've worked so hard for just for u??

Er jie's right "Its sad when people you KNOW become people you KNEW. When you can walk right past someone as if they were never a big part of your life. How you USED to talk for hours and NOW you can hardly look at them. Its SAD how things change so much."

I haven't laughed so much for some time now, i felt my best within these 3-4days. I love my pals by me :D We were busy bullying Opa abt her "future husband" on the way back home, pretty fun. LOL and Haru's gunna b awarded the yellow table if she starts learning frm Opa - keep saying the wrong stuffs. Chem mock paper was tough, preparing to see a lousy grade :D Slept in class, skived together and laughed through joys and sorrows...

In the midst of laughter, sadness rushed past me all of e sudden, what am i going to do without them? Prelims is 5 weeks down the road and that marks the arrival of O' lvls, i don't think it's gunna b easy saying goodbye to such great times in classes when the time comes, and to think i felt like it's going to b ages before O lvls come...now it's just a stone's throw away.

We're running the final lap of marathon, to sit for the exams we've been fighting for for 10 years of education and work, and to also mark a beautiful end to our perfect times sitting together in class...so i tell myself, we'll all hav to work hard and get into the same JC ((:

And the ever wise suetlian also said "Sometimes people put up WALLS NOT to keep others OUT...but to see who CARES enough to TEAR them down." So let's jiayou together and not let O lvls be the final chapter to our school life together :D GAMBATTE!!

LOVE BESTIES~♥
5:27 PM

"I love you..." you said. I was shocked. I stood there for a moment before i mouthed something out as well.

"I've never forgotten you..." I replied.

"And I regretted not appreciated what we had before..."

I cried...we hugged...It felt gentle, warm and full. I felt comfort from his embrace and...

before i know it, my eyes opened...silencing me from the beautiful lie, back to the lonely reality. I felt like something is still missing from my life, and i know that something is you, but i can never turn back time, and the gap in between is just too wide. Now i'm hurting. I tried my best not thinking abt you, but you made ur way into my dreams and as the saying goes, dreams never come true. And even if they do, they just don't feel the same.

I cried in my heart, i couldn't eat. I felt poetry in motion creeping and crawling on my skin, i felt all my emotions together as one. I can't make how how i really feel, and i'm in a total whirl...as confused as you people are 'cause this post doesn't make sense as well. They're batting and battling within me, and the two ends of my heart's knot doesn't seem to meet. I just can't undo the string that attached my heart to you. Before i got the chance to turn back, you took it away...like it was yours. It's going to take a long time to heal...i know it. I love you...

LOVE BESTIES~♥
7:46 PM

It's getting late, i should be getting to slp nw shldn't I?? Emo-ed...thought too much, wasn't completely sane and poof, i left my bag at the arcade. Ok i got it lyk 30mins ago. Like WTH o.O i'm tired, mentally exhausted. And after 1day 14hrs of fasting, Shiyun finally got me to eat. But afta that...i continued to fast up till now. I just can't find the appetite, or maybe fasting and starving myself is just a great way to let torture myself. God knows...

I don't even know what i'm doing or thinking. I'm alot better now though, i space out yes...but i laugh from time to time, i talked normally in the middle of the past few hrs and i realized i couldn't hav been mre blind than i was before. I was so blinded by my own r/s problem, i never cared abt the frens arnd me. Here i am, back in square 1, lonely single...yet single blissfully?

Why blissfully...cuz kor made me realize the benefits of staying single and like he always do, he never fails to make me laugh. I really love talking to him, but off he went...back to his gaming world. Stupid NWM never learns. =.= then think again, what's there to like? I should just be myself, back to the old me...bubbly, cheerful, haha-ing with every step i take along the way and spend the last term happily wif my besties n sisters n sku. ((:

Thinking abt it, i suddenly feel lost again...like i'm going to lose something else yet again...feeling sux. Some things are just not meant to be i guess. Like how i'm never going to fall for some pple who likes me...and how i'm never going to b wif pple hu doesn't like me as well. The truth usually hurts, but thinking abt it, i'd still b unhappy over certain stuffs even if these whole incident worked out in the way i hoped it did. I'll pick and point, then start to fuss abt all those stuffs...then emo again. It goes in a cycle, wonder why i'm like that.

Maybe the right him is still not here...i'll wait, really. But like i said, i need time to recover. On happy note, i slimmed down yet again =/

And for curious readers...this is my new haircut. Fringe shorted by alot...but maybe nt dat obvious in this pic =/

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:31 PM

I woke up finally...but i can't say i'm completely healed. Maybe just a teenie weenie bit better than hw i felt b4. Yeah...mostly it's erjie's words that picked me up, and the bits n pieces of quotes i found along e way.

Caijun "Love the life u live, live the life u love"

Weekiat and Seeyuan "The ending doesn't matter, it's the process of it that matters"

Xuanyu "When dreams do come true, they just don't feel the same"

Erjie "Friends ask why you are crying... Best friends already have the shovel rdy, to bury the loser hu mk u cry..."

I suddenly remembered this funny quote i once thought was supposed to b funny..."friends r forever, boys r wadeva." Yeah...frens r always there for u. Really thank the people who hear me out or accompany me and momentarily make my trbles go away. Allow me to pour my pains on them. I now seriously understand why my frens mean so damn much to me and why i never want any of them to ever leave me. Yes...frens r forever, i'll remember that. I love u pple.

Sisters : Calista, Suetlian, Cheri, Ruilin, Shiyun, Cheryl and Samsam

Besties : Xinjie, Simin and JingZuan

Arcaders : Qianhui, Kenneth ho, Olivia, Xinyi, Yiwen, Olivia's didi, Murmur twins boy, Barry, Arcade crew de ex senior.

Jeremy, Xinyou, Ricky, Fan Weiming, Ng Weiming(kor), Desmond
---
For now, it's time to heal, to patch up the little wound created once again...ofcuz i noe that these lovely pple will still b arnd wif me ((:

There may be ones i neva mentioned, but i can't believe within this short period of time, these pple r there by me and i always feel comfort seeing or talking to them. U r e ones i dun1 to worry the most so i promise, i'll pick up, recover and then (to sisters and besties and some arcaders) lets chiong our way thru O lvls. Gambatte!! AJC here i come!!

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:52 AM

Pigginess gone...am moving my blog...i don't want some pple to read abt me anymore. Maybe that'll occur in a week. I hurt...i'm crying...but i guess i'm getting better in acting day by day...or maybe i shall delete this blog. Nothing is worth remembering in here anyway. I'm crying myself nw, i'm screaming myself nw...

You killed her on 190708...u will never see her again

LOVE BESTIES~♥
4:32 PM

Got the feittish for drawing pigs these day. Being able to use pigs to portray the action of a certain someone makes drawing them all the more interesting and fun. :D So bored in school today, i've finally come down to the conclusion after experimenting wif myself that....sitting in the classroom for 3hrs of maths in 1 day sux. Omg i'm gunna hav Mr Chia's face for nightmare. A week's gone...another step closer to O' lvls, but why isn't the suspense nearing at all? =/ something's really wrong. In fact, i'm looking forward to DDR more than anything else for the weekend :D

The over all pics on the fullscap paper :D

Pork Fried rice XD

Ciggerette is a pig's best friend, just like dog's a man's best friend...But the Cigg is the laopo in this case

Zilian Pig...

Noobish Piggie playing Daidee

Emo-pig...

Rich piggy wif 2 handphones that r busy all e time ((:

and lastly, lazy...stupid pig :D but cute oso hahahaha

LOVE BESTIES~♥
5:10 PM

Everything's the same, everyday's seemingly a repeat of itself. Played daidee on viwawa...met so many arrogant asses, i hate pple hu act pro buay pro. Well i hope she's sneezing nw. Just cuz she has a fnd of lvl 34 doesn't mean she has to b such a smug. Darn.

Then many people hav been talkin abt hw my voice dun actually suit my character. That i sound sweet/elegant or whatever image that it totally parallel to my current 1. They never meet. =.= Lastly, as u noe, 7th lunar mnth is approaching, suddenly Haru has this ambitious idea to open this brand called "hao xiong di" in future so being e nice fnd i was, i decided to design some logos for her. Hahaha...for the fun of it.

"Hao Xiong Di" bids for Singapore's youth olympics =.=

(god...this is so out)

This is my 1st attempt...

Haru's 1st attempt...

and my 2nd attempt...

Vote for ur fav ^^

LOVE BESTIES~♥
7:56 PM

Super bored today. Damn spaced out today as well. Wonder what i've been dreaming abt whole day. Ponders...

Well who cares. A.maths returned wif yet another distinction and Haru, u owe me one(for that corrected mistake by urs truly) :P Forgot to bring TYS and originally had to find Mr Arul, but we couldn't locate him in e staff room so lets just pray he forgets abt it =X

Brought Cloudy and Fluffy to join Psychu, Psycho #1&2 :D Haru was surprised. But hahaha. Actually, the day was pretty draining and tiring. Added by the spices of certain lessons making the day even less meaningful -.-

Psychu, Cloudy

Psycho 2, Psycho 1 and Fluffy

Cloudy and Psychu!

LOVE BESTIES~♥
10:45 PM

I'm hurt, i'm still unhappy, but i had to put on a false mask. People tend to start to appreciate when they ardy lost something. Too many things happen these days for me to put into words. I hurt. Why do i always take what you say for words...why do i hold on to every broken promises you make while you seem to forget them so easily?

He's right...

Why force urself on sum1 who doesn't like u?
Why feel upset for someone who doesn't care abt u?
Why carry false hopes when u noe they're gunna vanish one day?

...

Promises are meant to b broken. Hearts are meant to b broken as well.

At times when u're most upset, u just wish for e person that meant the most to u at that time, to come forward to comfort you, to offer his/her support, but you disappointed me, you broke my heart again. Your words cut.

Here i am, emo-ing yet again. Staring at the plain old ceiling, listening to songs while my heart weaps to itself. You said i changed, everyone said i changed....it's just the result of loving too painfully, immunisation takes place then.

I really want to give you up...but you seem to always appear before me, making me submit to taunts and temptations again. Making my consciousness go against my wills again, making me break the promise i made to myself again.

Then again, if i can break the promises i make to myself, what makes me think you can't break those you made to me? I feel so indebted towards myself.

Suddenly, i have no idea what i'm talkin abt myself...remind me of who i was. Bring me back to the past...

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:13 PM

Finished the whole module of chinese...only applies if i don't need to retake though =.= meeting Qianhui to study downstairs later...time to congratulate me pple, i found e motivation back :D though i'm still the lazy me u noe. =X LC sux...the fan behind was blowing lyk nobody's business...i was cold...and the fan was noisy. Cheap school. Bleah.

Drew song drawings in class...Besties and a random emo pic. Next time will b Sister's pic :D catch that 1 yeah? But it'll tk some time...afterall, that's 8 faces i'll hav to settle =X

LOVE BESTIES~♥
5:36 PM

Anyway, yun this is found for u lah. Go learn ur singing :D
--

亲爱的

发现我们电话里常常沉默了
想看的电影也不再相同了
你的眼神虽然是温柔的
却想另一个人在面前那样陌生

如果我能穿着你最不喜欢的颜色
嘴里哼着你最不爱听的情歌
你能不能对我再冷漠一点呢
至少让我以为你不再爱我了

亲爱的为什么你还不敢承认呢
亲爱的我们都是脆弱的人
亲爱的听时间的话放开手
别感伤应该感动我最亲爱的

如果我能穿着你最不喜欢的颜色
嘴里哼着你最不爱听的情歌
你能不能对我再冷漠一点呢
至少让我以为你不再爱我了

亲爱的为什么你还不敢承认呢
亲爱的我们都是脆弱的人
亲爱的别牵着没感觉的手
真的不怪你我太爱你才说不出口

亲爱的我也不相信心会疲倦
亲爱的我们别再骗自己了
亲爱的听时间的话放开手
别感伤应该感动

我们都记得
相爱最诚实这一刻
对我说你不爱我
谁的泪都别流

如果能重来一次
请别再这样宠爱我
我太幸福就会忘了
爱总有慢慢变化时候

亲爱的为什么你还不敢承认呢
亲爱的我们都是脆弱的人
亲爱的别牵着没感觉的手
不怪你太爱你才说不出口

亲爱的我也不相信心会疲倦的
亲爱的我们别再骗自己了
亲爱的听时间的话放开手
别感伤应该感动
我最亲爱的...

--

INTRUDERS! There comes no peace at the only place where i find comfort. What happened to freedom of speech??!!

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:28 PM

Met up wif Qianhui and Stelle to arcade jusnow. Back like 15mins ago. LOL jux couldn't stop luffing along e way back cuz of everything we were talkin abt on our way back. Champion and runner up are there again, i really hate them. Everytime they're ther, they'll hog e DDR machine indirectly =.= But whatever, LOL. I can pass Max 300 difficult ler, =/ zzz.

We decided to play para afta those 2 "brothers" started to hog onto e machine and these were Stelle and Qianhuis' score respectively. Who say para has lack of true experts or challengers? It's just that they all went to play DDR already. lols.

Played Viwawa wif 2 big pigs this afternoon. Lols, hate to admit it, i'm owned. Surprising hw pigs these days are getting smarter and smarter. haiya. zzz. Really been some time since i've smiled or laughed so heartily. But something had to destroy it during this evening, that's why i ran out though my dad's unhappy abt it...

Something random to end the statement, I realize haru is becoming mre n mre lyk me, or rather we're becoming more n more lyk eachother. My ahgui as evident, it's dirty liao...in a flash and i didn't realized it. Haha but then again, think abt hu e owner is luhh :D

LOVE BESTIES~♥
12:35 AM

School sux, everything sucked. Especially when i'm in no mood for absolutely ANYTHING and EVERYTHING! It sucked even more when some things happened in the afternoon.

There's a limitation to everyone's patience and tolerance. Grumble in moderation pls. After a nice warm bath, my anger's simmered down though. I never knew that "sorry" was such a hazardous term to b put into words. I admit, it's partially my fault for making a fuss, but i'm equally traumatized jux like you. Chew on this thought for a moment, when u were cleaning up, can u c a 2nd cloth? I cld've sworn there were 2 but i couldn't find the other 1 to help u. So am i supposed to lick the chemical up?

Yeah blame it on me, blame it on the chemical...everything will b fine as long as the blame doesn't rebounds back onto u. Good day, tomorrow will b better.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
5:39 PM

Suddenly, i gt this craving for someone to nag at me and scold me for what i've became.

I've consulted a thousand and one, but the end answer i got is none.
It's getting tiring, but i'm still fighting.
There doesn't seem to be an ending to all my problems, i wonder what's e cause of them?
If you want to pick up then u'll hav to let go...at least that's what they say, but i can't seem to take that in...and instead carry on going my own way.
Oh great, now i'm in the middle of no where, i'm completely lost...i never knew that falling for someone carries such a heavy cost.
Now i hav to pay a heavy price, but till the end...the ending's never been nice.
Maybe it's time to walk the road of single-eternity, but all these thoughts will one day lead me to insanity.
To clear my mind off u for a moment is really a bliss, but after sometime...u'll still be the one i miss.
I've always wondered of why i'm so pathetic, but all these blabberings are making me lethargic.
Guess it's time to go to sleep, before i really start to weep.

Suddenly, i've got this hunger for poetry. I'm so so so tired, but everytime i sleep, i'll dream of everything that's opposite of reality. It honestly hurts, i hate false hopes. I know they wldn't come through, but at times they're just too tempting for u to reject thinking abt them. Slumbering is just a way to run away from my current problems, but everytime i open my eyes, they'll resurface again. The problem lies within myself, i can't walk out of it, i can't give up on it...and the question always bounces back into my head, "what's my purpose in life?"

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:54 PM

Blah blah blah, what else has this beautiful life got installed for me? Tell me someone? Fill me in wif answers, i'm seriously lost. I'm walking arnd in circles unknowingly and nw im getting dizzy. This really has to stop. It's either i face up and accept everything within me or i let go. It's not an easy choice, every1 noes of it. Recently, even arcading's stop becoming a way of keeping my mind out of these bullshits. Holy crap, i'm drowining within my own thoughts soon. What the use of a 'larger-by-the-day' network when it can't solve my problems?

LOVE BESTIES~♥
11:34 PM

Not feeling my best, at least starting from e part wher i saw e champion(raymond) and 1st runner up(huanlo) playing DDR toge. Perhaps it's cuz of e blasting music, perhaps its cuz of my irregular meals that's mking me feel that way. It's lyk i hav no energy to do anithing at all and too many things r clogging up in my brain. Haix.

Rhapsody was great. It was worth the tix afterall. Went LJC wif my peeps n felt really unwell sometime afta eating...think nt used to eating dinner nw. The performances were nicely put together n i felt proud being a unitian for once. The school song was sang out loud by every1 and that's perhaps e 1st time it's ever sounded that great. Well all good things come to an end.

Got to noe e little boyboy hus a DDR expert today, haha he's so cute luhh. Then ther's these 2 experts hu i think hate eachother. No wonder r bittergourd face sudd start to smile n talk to me, interrupting me when i was talkin to e other guy asking abt hu e credits belong to. Weirdos. I hate being placed in e middle of 2 mental wars. Then ther's mokito hu carries a feud for someone too. Great...just great. Forgot to mention abt meeting Olivia n her younger bro as well lols. Short meeting but sweet, except for a certain something dat happened...RIGHT KENNETH HO KOK SHEN??!! =.=

LOVE BESTIES~♥
12:10 AM

Haven't been zilian-ing in some time unlike someone =.= but i went to edit and put in some stuffs at http://www.picnik.com/ so yeah, wonder hw it looks like.

School bores e hell out of me, i was practically asleep during maths class tho my eyes r wide open and my mind was empty when we were given this dang paper frm tanjong katong. Oh wells. Procrastination kills, remember this yeah? I shan't bring e matter up cuz it's all of our faults in e 1st place, but i hope we all learn to not be so lazy nxt time :D especially me.

Gunna b out for a full day again, wonderful life. No wonder i've been feeling like i'm drifting throughout today. Monday's youth day and wednesday/thursday are e-learning days. Let's hope e e-learning system crashes again :D

Before editting

After editting

Besties said dat i look asif i hav longer hair than i actually hav cuz of e shadow casting. LOL but i can't help but notice how much my hand looks asif it's been displaced or what so ever.

I've been wondering if i should enter a poly instead of JC. Well it's just been a thought that keeps coming back to haunt me once in awhile. I don't have the motivation to study lyk b4, i sleep in class and i can't think of myself having to mug for the nxt 2 yrs. I want a life back, at least my youthful life..."business and accountancy" in poly seemed like a pretty applicable choice nw. We'll see wher time brings me to.

Apart from that, i've been doing deep thinkings, abt being over reliant on a certain soul. Yes, i trust no one but me me and myself now. Cuz i hear myself cry and i know when my heart is bleeding. At least i'll keep my distance frm pple or not put too much into any friendships arnd me now, afterall, relationships between 2 diff souls r as fragile as glass. I'll cut myself again.

Once cry, twice shy.

LOVE BESTIES~♥
8:25 PM

I'm still awake at this hour. Surprised? Not really...i can jux look forward to darker eye rings tomorrow. Nvm, my panda eyes r original kayy...some pple make up for them D: Staring at some stuffs awhile back, old photos, old memories and old friends. Wonder how everyone's doing.

I came up wif a hypothesis last week that floorball was dangerous, now i come up wif the conclusion...that floorball is indeed violent. Or maybe it applies only when i'm playing wif the girls in my class, i think i've made my point clear?

Good luck to Shiyun, Geraldine and Samsam for their Oral exams today :D Now my bed has this irresistable magnet that's gunna make me summit to it in awhile's time.

Someone really wants to turn into a pig by eating his dinner at this hour. Ok now i'm really out of things to say. I'm boreeeeed...

LOVE BESTIES~♥
12:13 AM

Things jux may not be as bad as they usually seem, especially if u're willing to let go of the mental barrier and look ahead. Sometimes, surprises might jux b peeking at u arnd the corner, waiting for the opportunity to surprise u when u get ur smile back. I guess i can say im 1 lucky guest it's visited during these 2 days.

Orals wasn't all that bad, but the timer just reminds me so much of the Eunuch. He looks like one, sounds like one and behaves like one. At least in my opinion. And we, the students r e prisoners, 1 by 1 called out to get slaughtered. The 2 examiners in the room is just like the Emperor and Empress. As those soap opera always goes, the empress is almost stricter and more serious while the emperor always givs u the comfortable friendly and generous feeling. That's just how things are i guess. LOL!

Stayed back afta sku today, nothing out of the ordinary except for the time spent in Geraldine's hse, lols. Thanks to her, i've borrowed a set of VCD to watch at home so u can now forsee that i'll b camping in my mom's bedroom this coming monday. Looking forward to Rhapsody and the arcading session, gunna b an enjoyable weekend. It's time to take a break afta a mentally draining week. ((: Let's just hope that i don't fall asleep in class during maths lesson tomorrow first :D

And how can we all forget out cute Geraldine??

Does she pose a striking resemblance wif e cat of wealth? *meow?*

and her looking at my camera...stunned O.O

LOVE BESTIES~♥
10:21 PM

Explosive on the loose? I've ironed out my thoughts though the creases and folds within are still there, they may be for the permanant and maybe not. I'd feel the sudden urge to be really hyper like i'm full of energy all of the sudden, and the nxt moment, i'd feel extremely bitter...lyk i could just cry anytime. I'll feel pained, sad, emotional without warning and suddenly start laughing. Then the next moment, i might start exploding on someone. I'm really sorry pple, i hope u'd understand what i'm going through. I don't want this, but i can't control it as well. As for now, i'm feeling bitterness though i've tried to put a smile on my face for most of the day. I feel like crying, i need a shoulder. It's tough not being able to understand or control myself, it's even tougher to feel lost and not know what i should continue to do at this point of time.

Weiming say i need a visit to woodbridge. Maybe not that bad...but does anyone know of a good shrink or psychialagist? Leaving the people by me aside, even i can't handle myself. I'm paining.

'Pig'...what used to be used on almost every1 around me is gone. Or at least i couldn't bear to use it on yet another being anymore. It was a special word, i laughed and smiled cuz of it and at the same time, when the word's not used on me anymore...i feel the weird sense that i've just lost all direction. Those laughters, the happy moods, the positive thinking, where hav they went to?

LOVE BESTIES~♥
10:31 PM

I'm tired...just came bak from sku and obviously everything went better than yesterday, well if it doesn't then i should just kill myself. Firstly, i've let go of the suffocating feeling in my heart...i'll wait for no matter how long it is going to be, until one day this feeling fades. Well i have better things to plan and worry about in the near future other than just love love and love. Like tomorrow's chinese O's oral so pls wish me goodluck yeah? To be perfectly honest, i'm not nervous at all...and i mean totally. I just wish for all's well that ends well.

2ndly, yay my viwawa acct for daidee has reached lvl 6!! -.- kk fine sounds totally retarded. Lols. And Haru said something surprising as well...something like how she'd rather be wif the construction workers at our sku's construction site...OOPS! lols. Back in class, we drew an amulet to picture how Opa's future boyfriend is gunna b like. Aww opa, what u gunna do abt this?? Give me a billion more buddha palms tomorrow? :D

Well she warned me abt putting this up. D:

Credits for this wonderful drawing :

-Haru for the colourings and ideas of how it should look like

-and the wonderful me to draw this retarded looking freaky guy out :D

LOVE BESTIES~♥
5:21 PM